just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well, you know. whores of a feather.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
