Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
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Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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