why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
