Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
