Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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