this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
