a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
