walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
