I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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