I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
