hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
