A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
