At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
