i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
