my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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