its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
