I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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