sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
