How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
