May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
