her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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