I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
