I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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