We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
