let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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