in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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