His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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