My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
