craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
