I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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