was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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