I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His hands were made for my vagina.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
