Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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