Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
