you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
