You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
