well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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