So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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