just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
