Where is the hickey?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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