Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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