hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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