im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
