i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
