A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I want a musical about memes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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