If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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