I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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