"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
