My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
