what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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