Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
