Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
