I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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