all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
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Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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