I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
