yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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