Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
