I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Houston, we have a blender
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
wow bdsm is so cute
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