i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
