she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
