I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
