Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
