My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
