My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
