brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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