Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
