So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
