I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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