Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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