Where is the hickey?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
