If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
