then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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