Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
