take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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