just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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