you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
