why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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