well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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