So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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