the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
