bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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