Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
