and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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